Disclaimer

All views expressed on this site are my own and do not represent the opinions of any entity whatsoever with which I have been, am now, or will be affiliated.

Tails 2019

My Journey Through the 12 Steps of NA

  • 09 Insanity
    071. Did I believe I could control my using? What were some of these experiences with this and how were my efforts unsuccessful? Yes I believed I could control my using and I tried hard to. I tried [read more…]
  • 08 Hope
    070. What do I have hope about today? I have hopes of becoming a counselor one day, and of finishing my studies. I have hopes about maybe being a mother one day. I have hope I can remain clean. [read more…]
  • 09 Moving On
    067. How do I know it’s time to move on? I think I have spent enough time now on Step One, having already recently completed it with my first sponsor. 068. What is my understanding of Step One? That [read more…]
  • 08 Spiritual Principles
    053. If I’ve been thinking about using or acting out on my addiction in some other way, have I shared it with my sponsor or told someone else? Yes. I’d been craving and thinking about using [read more…]
  • 07 Surrender
    047. What am I afraid of about the concept of surrender if anything? Not being able to ever use again. I still feel I am missing out, even though I know that I don’t want to go back to using. I [read more…]
  • 06 Reservations
    042. Have I accepted the full nature of my disease? I’d like to think so but I don’t think I can claim so if I still have reservations. 043. Do I think I can still associate with the people connected [read more…]
  • 05 Unmanageability
    026. What does “unmanageability” mean to me? Not being able to prioritise properly. No longer being in control of one’s actions. An increase in negative behaviours. 029. What trouble have I had with [read more…]
  • 04 Powerlessness
    019. Over what, exactly, am I powerless? Other people’s actions/thoughts/etc. Taxes, petrol costs, and such. 020. I’ve done things while acting out on my addiction that I would never do when focusing [read more…]

My Recovery Insights

  • What Narcotics Anonymous is really like
    I’ve been a grateful member of Narcotics Anonymous for over half a year now. Since being in NA, I’ve relapsed once (on prescription meds, as accidentally as one can do that) so I’m currently in my 90 days to just under 6 months phase. Before stepping into NA, I only knew what I had seen on TV. And while they got it right a lot of the time, they also got a lot wrong. And it’s unfortunate because I think a lot of people don’t know how to approach their first meeting. [read more…]
  • How I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder
    I was officially diagnosed in mid 2018 as suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder, along with depression and anxiety. And from as young as I can remember, I’ve always had intense emotions. When I was happy, I was super happy, and when I was sad I was almsot broken. However, in contrast to people who are Bipolar, my ups and downs didn’t each last weeks at time, I could (and did) fluctuate from happy to depressed to fury in a matter of minutes. As a kid that can really weigh [read more…]
  • Tidy House Tidy Mind
    “As long as we still owe amends, our spirits are cluttered with things we don’t need. We’re carrying the extra load of an apology owed, a resentment held, or unexpressed remorse. It’s like having a messy house. We could leave so we don’t have to see the mess, or maybe just step over the piles of debris and pretend they aren’t there. But ignoring the disorder won’t make it disappear. In the end, the dirty dishes, the crumb-filled carpet, and the overflowing wastebaskets are still there, [read more…]
  • How archery has helped my recovery
    Archery has helped me in so many ways in my recovery, and I think it’s a safe and healthy way of fulfilling my reward-seeking tendencies of my inner addict. I took up archery a good few years ago and shot with a recurve bow for about a year and a half. Skip forward to last year and I finally bought myself a bow. I had the choice to go recurve, which is what I knew and what I’d shot up until then, or go compound which I’d been around but never shot before. Looking at my [read more…]

If you need to talk, reach out!

You are never alone. Please reach out to someone, even if you drop me a message. Otherwise check your local community for any of the available self-help meetings like NA, AA, Al-Anon (for family members dealing with addicts), etc. Remember, they are free and anonymous.

Contact Me