019. Over what, exactly, am I powerless?

Other people’s actions/thoughts/etc. Taxes, petrol costs, and such.

020. I’ve done things while acting out on my addiction that I would never do when focusing on my recovery. What were they?

I’ve lied to and manipulated people. I’ve neglected friendships & family. I borrowed money I never paid back. I’ve taken advantage of people. I neglected pets where I should have been there for them. I damaged my partnership because I prioritised drugs over my marriage.

021. What things have I don’t to maintain my addiction that went completely against my beliefs and values?

(answer shortened due to the nature of private content)

I’ve compromised myself and my dignity. I lied to those who knew about my addictions and made them seem less severe so I could keep using.

022. How does my personality change when I’m acting out on my addiction?

I become manipulative with my friendships. I become self-centered, believing that I need to be the life of the party (for one eg). I become less classy in my actions, often resulting in me compromising my dignity.

023. Do I manipulate others to maintain my addiction? How?

Using my sexuality, I’ve bribed men to buy me drugs.

024. Have I tried to quit using and found that I couldn’t? Have I quit using on my own and found that my life was so painful without drugs that my abstinence didnt last very long? What were these times like?

Yes. I tried coming off my DOC twice cold turkey. I didn’t make it past 58 hours on my longest attempt. I could see I was trying but couldn’t do it alone.

025. How has my addiction caused me to hurt myself or others?

I abused my body physically with blunt objects, knives, etc. I hurt my family by using drugs. My work suffered because of my lack of sleep and because of that my work colleagues were affected negatively. I de-valued my marriage.

04 Powerlessness
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