071. Did I believe I could control my using? What were some of these experiences with this and how were my efforts unsuccessful?

Yes I believed I could control my using and I tried hard to. I tried putting rules in place, how and when I would use, that I wouldn’t use when by myself, that I wouldn’t use more than xyz amount, that I wouldn’t use at xyz places. None of them worked. I tried portioning out hits in pre-wrapped foil but always ended up using again because I was afraid of withdrawals.

072. What things did I do that I can hardly believe I did when I look back at them? Did I put myself in dangerous situations to get drugs? Did I behave in ways of which I am now ashamed? What are those situations like?

Yes, however the rest of the answer will be withheld publicly due to private content.

073. Did I make insane decisions as a result of my addiction? Did I quit jobs, leave friendships and other relationships, or give up on achieving other goals for no reason other than that those things interfered with my using?

Yes. I drove under the influence (drugs and alcohol). I used while at work and out with family (however in secret).
I made the decision to do heroin whilst heavily intoxicated with meth.
I didn’t quit my job by work suffered and I lost my job in the end.
I can’t say drugs didn’t have a hand in ruining my marriage because I neglected both my husband and my pets in order to use instead.
I had some work friendships I lost due to choose to use and I became very complacent in my attitude and goals and let a lot them fall to the wayside.


09 Insanity
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