001. What does “the disease of addiction” mean to me?

Always being vigilant of my addictive tendencies. Never allowing myself to pick up a drug thinking I can control my using.

I’m still sometimes unsure about the term disease when referring to addiction, and then on other days I’m all nah it makes perfect sense. I suppose this is what one learns more over their time in recovery, and I’m still a newbie.

Oftentimes I get asked to explain why it’s called a disease, and for me it’s always a complicated thing to answer. Maybe I feel the question too much and I battle to articulate what I feel? I’m not sure. Anyway, what I generally explain is that it’s progressive in how it takes hold of your life, much like a disease. There is no known cure, and there is still much unknown about addiction, much like many diseases. I suppose it’s a rather simplified explanation but I find that it’s one people have responded to most.

002. Has my disease been active lately? In what way?

I have been obsessing over food & weight which often leads me to missing/craving/thinking about using.

003. What is it like when I’m obsessed with something? Does my thinking follow a pattern? Describe.

I find my mind wandering towards what I’m obsessing over. In terms of food, for example, I start focusing on negative aspects of myself and that often pushes me to a depressive state.

004. When a thought occurs to me, do I immediately act on it without considering the consequences? In what way do I act compulsively?

I sometimes know I choose not to listen to what I know I should do, and rather choose to do what I want to do. For example, I’ll eat many biscuits quickly before I can tell myself I either shouldn’t have any or at least limiting myself to a reasonable amount.

005. How does the self-centered part of my disease affect my life and the lives of those around me?

My laziness affects both my own life -in a way that makes me unhappy with myself- and my environment & those around -me when I choose not to accept social commitments or keep my environment tidy.

006. How has my disease affected me physically? Mentally? Spiritually? Emotionally?

My disease has affected all part of my life by cosuming my thoughts (mentally), my weight and time (physically), my moods (emotionally), and generally isolating myself (spiritually).

007. What is the specific way in which my addiction has been manifesting itself most recently?

I have been smoking way too much. I have had cravings and obsessive thoughts (ie food).

008. Have I been obsessed with a person, place, or thing? If so, how has that gotten in the way of my relationships with others? How else have I been affected mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally by this obsession?

My excessive smoking affects the close friend I live with as he ends up smoking with me. I haven’t asked for spiritual assistance for my smoking because I’m not sure I am ready to give it up.

01 The Disease of Addiction

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