009. Have I given plausible but untrue reasons for my behaviour? What have they been?

Previously I’ve justified using based on my situation or emotional state. I let self-pity rule a lot of my reasoning.

010. Have I compulsively acted on an obsession, and then acted as if I had actually planned to act that way? When were those times?

When I’ve overindulged with food I tell myself that I need to eat, but I know I didn’t need to eat as much as I did. I also act like I already knew something when someone says something to me that I didn’t know. I don’t know why I do it.

011. How have I blamed other people for my behaviour?

I blamed people for getting me emotional and then I would use, so essentially I blamed others and not myself. I blamed a close friend for getting me addicted to cigarettes.

012. How have I compared my addiction with others? Is my addiction “bad enough” if I don’t compare it to anyone else’s?

I always find myself reasoning that I haven’t been using “all my life” or that I didn’t use as much, or I didn’t inject. But my addiction is bad enough on it’s own because I cannot control it.

013. Am I comparing a current manifestation of my addiction to the way my life was before I got clean? Am I plagued by the fact that I should have known better?

I do consider the fact I ate more healthily during active addiction. I also can recognise when I am letting myself win vs what is right, so essentially can tell myself that I know better, but only after the fact.

014. Have I been thinking that I have enough information about addiction and recovery to get my behavior under control before it gets out of hand?

No. If anything it has furthered my desire to keep learning more about this disease and societal issue in general.

015. Am I avoiding action because I am afraid I will be ashamed when I face the results of my addiction? Am I avoiding action because I am worried about what others will think?

When I am avoiding action it is usually because I am not ready to acknowledge that it’s become a problem because that means I’ll have to give it up. I am not worried about what others will think when it comes to my drug use, it is what it is, I did what I did.

02 Denial
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