053. If I’ve been thinking about using or acting out on my addiction in some other way, have I shared it with my sponsor or told someone else?
Yes. I’d been craving and thinking about using (micro-dosing) which I shared about in a meeting and with a friend.
054. Have I stayed in touch with the reality of my disease, no matter how long I’ve had freedom from active addiction?
Yes. I am constantly evaluating feelings and emotions as well as actively working the program ie meetings, service, etc.
055. Have I noticed that, now that I don’t have to cover up my addiction, I no longer need to lie like I did? Do I appreciate the freedom that goes along with that? In what ways have I begun to be honest in my recovery?
Yes, I no longer need to avoid people or situations. I’ve been able to not be limited by my use of drugs ie time constraints between hits. I am also honest with my parents (especially) when they ask after me.
056. What have I heard in recovery that I have trouble believing? Have I asked my sponsor, or the person I heard say it to explain it to me?
That I have no control over my using. I am also still dubious that I will surrender to a Higher Power and be able to commit fully.
057. In what ways am I practicing open-mindedness?
I try to listen without judgement to the experiences of others, even those who have been in recovery for less time than I have. I have been attending meetings and meeting new people.
058. Am I willing to follow my sponsor’s direction?
Yes, I have an amazing sponsor and I can learn a lot from her.
059. Am I willing to go to meetings regularly?
Yes and I do already. If nothing else I have my Homegroup on Tuesdays where I currently hold a service position.
060. Am I willing to give recovery my best effort? In what ways?
Yes. I have changed friends as well as life circumstances from how it was during active addiction. I attend meetings regularly and share as often as I can without being “pointless”. I assess myself and my thoughts & actions as regularly as I can to make sure I am not falling back into old ways. I also try to be of service to others both inside the program and outside.
061. Do I believe I am a monster who has poisoned the whole world with my addiction? Do I believe that my addiction is utterly inconsequential to the larger society around me? Or something in between?
I guess I believe in the “in between”. The whole world certainly doesn’t revolve around me but my using affected those close to and those around me, so it’s not inconsequential either.
062. Do I have a sense of my relative importance within my circle of family and friends? In society as a whole? What is that sense?
I know I am important to those close to me. They care about me and want me to be around and healthy. I know I need to contribute to society by getting and holding a job, doing/being of service to others. I have a sense of responsibility.
063. How am I practicing the principles of humility in connection with this work on the first step?
I humbly acknowledge myself as an addict in each meeting I attend. I am practicing honesty in my answers when going over the questions, which means admitting and accepting the good and the bad, as well as asking for help/clarification when I don’t understand something, and not pretending or assuming I know it all.
064. Have I made peace with the fact I am an addict?
Yes I think so. I have proven to myself both within and outside the use of drugs that show me I am an addict.
065. Have I made peace with all the things I’ll have to do to stay clean?
I think that while I still have some reservations I don’t know if I’ve made peace with all the things I have to do.
066. How is acceptance of my disease necessary for my continued recovery?
By fully accepting my disease I know, without question, that it cannot be cured but only managed.